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Oh I wish I was on my way to London to join the Windsor’s for their greatest party ever. And whist it’s the party for the people, Her Majesty will really celebrate when she becomes the longest ever reigning Monarch in four years time – will she make it? 

Queen Victoria holds the record of the longest reigning Monarch just short of 64 years and died 82 years old. Queen Elizabeth II is about to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee, a 60 year reign and is 85 years old. 

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother was the mother of Queen Elizabeth and she lived to be 101 and The Queen’s aunt HRH Princess Alice lived to be 103 - the Windsor stock has a track record of long rich and healthy lives.

There’s been much gossip about The Queen standing aside to allow Prince Charles to become King or even skip to Prince William – all rubbish of course.  This was put to rest just recently when The Queen renewed her pledge to serve her people until the day she dies.

"In this special year, as I dedicate myself anew to your service, I hope that we will all be reminded of the power of togetherness and the convening strength of family, friendship and good neighbourliness," she said in a statement released by Buckingham Palace.

"I hope also that this Jubilee Year will be a time to give thanks for the great advances that have been made since 1952 and to look forward to the future with clear head and warm heart as we join together in our celebrations."

See how wonderful she looks in her official Jubilee photo taken by John Swannell, showing the Queen elegantly poised in the Centre Room at Buckingham Palace in a white dress decorated with silver sequins complimenting her sparkling jewellery. On her head sits the 1820 diamond-encrusted State Diadem that she wore in the procession to Westminster Abbey on her Coronation Day.

And there will be celebrations aplenty covering the whole of the Jubilee weekend. From street parties Sunday lunch time before the Pageant on the Thames. A Concert at Buckingham Palace on Monday and finally on Tuesday a service at St Pauls and a Carriage Procession through the streets.

It’ll be super exciting, but alas, enjoyed courtesy of ABC 24. Nevertheless champers in hand, feasting on Coronation Chicken and Eaton Mess, it will be three cheers for Her Majesty – Hip Hip…   

OK, so its not the band I am talking about - but it's my birthday this coming week, and being a pop music person for my entire life, its really the first time I have felt old - and THAT is all thanks to the One Direction lads.

Seeing them "Beatle-ing" all over Sydney is fine and dandy, but I take one look at the boys and to me they look like they are 14 years old, yet in fact, most of them are above legal drinking age (actually all of them).

Cringe worthy? I think so.

Well, let me break it down a bit further. Back in the day i worked with Take That, Backstreet Boys, NKOTB and heaps more - boy bands of my generation. Even then I wasn't a teen going crazy - I was working my ass off in an industry to forge a career.

Cut to 2012, One Direction are building pop up stores in Pitt Street Mall, doing harbour cruises on Sydney harbour and secret gigs for 100 fans, yet Gary Barlow (Take That) is working with the Sydney Symphony for the Queens Jubilee celebrations.

One Direction will - if they play their cards right, have the opportunity to go on and do massive things (Like Take That) or at the very least, reform in 20 years for a reunion tour (ala NKOTB - which by the way is an incredible show).

I however, will surrender to the fact that I will become another year older, but relish in the fact that between the time of Take That and One Direction I have discovered an incredible bunch of people I am happy to call my friends.

So getting old is not that bad - and if this blog makes absolutely no sense, it's just the Alzheimer's kicking in.

Honestly, where would we fags be without our hags?

Seriously, after the hype and subsequent come down of Mardi Gras I had a bad case of writers block...

“I have no idea what to write about,” I complained over dinner.

“Why don’t you write about me?” one of my hags suggested?

On the drunken stumble home I thought, “why not?” They’ve always been there for us, quietly (sometime not so quietly) supporting from the shadows while the fags take the spotlight.

So now it’s time to give them a little bit of kudos.

Often, I’ve find that hags kind of slip into the role from a young age. They will be the ones young gays turn to just after they’ve come out, the parents are freaking and the gay needs a place to hang out until the shit storm blows over. The would-be hag is there to nurture, support and convince the gay that everything will be OK (while stroking their perfectly conditioned teenage hair). Come on, we’re born that way – we know good hair takes work from a young age!

From there, they are set on a one-way course to Fag Hag-dom. The gay knows she’s a solid rock and so she accompanies him on all of his homo milestones; they are there for the first gay clubbing experience, they hear about all of the first sexual experiences (all of the gory details which she secretly loves and soon she is fluent in gayenese – top, bottom, douche, etc.) She is also sat next to her fag for every episode of the essential Queer As Folk marathon that every young gay embarks on in order to earn his stripes. The hag experiences every Rite of Passage as if it's her own and at no point does she want to share the glory. She’s like a zookeeper raising a Galapagos turtle till it reaches its sexual peak and then remaining present to steer the horny little bastard on the right path.

A lot of people think that hags only hang out with gays because they can’t get a man of their own. However, in my experience the fact that she can’t get a straight man is a byproduct of the bitch’s bulldog-like loyalty. I guess this is becoming less of an issue now that social boundaries are breaking down and it’s more acceptable for straight dudes to party topless in clubs like ARQ. But that’s where our loyalty kicks in – “Hell no are you going home with that fugly Westie, he’s off his face and I’m not picking you up in the morning. WERQ! Back to the dance floor, betch!”

Now I know I’m evangelising hags, but I know there are many (many!) feral hags who get caught up in the gay lifestyle just as much as their twink and become quite nasty. They take too many drugs, pick fights and are quite often ‘that gurl’ in Smoker’s Alley at ARQ. Laugh her off. She won’t last.

So here’s to the hags; seasoned or up-and-coming, young or old, past or present. Even though we may say we love you all the time, you really don’t know how much you mean to us and how much you’ve done for us. We lover you!

Tx

I’ve been watching as the media attention has grown around the Miss Universe Canada contestant Jenna Talackova with great interest and now of course its world news; so much so as Jenna, her mother and her celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred have appeared on the prime time ABC 20/20 show with journalist Barbara Walters - were talking of bringing this issue to the attention of millions of ordinary Americans. 

The head of Miss Universe Canada kicked Jenna out two weeks ago after discovering that she is transgender. The official said that Jenna had to have been born a female to participate.  

At the time, a brief statement on the front page of the website for Beauties of Canada, the company that oversees the Miss Universe Canada pageant, stated that Jenna had been removed from the competition ‘because she did not meet the requirements to compete despite having stated otherwise on her entry form. 

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) contacted the Miss Universe Organisation last week after Jenna was disqualified and called on the Miss Universe Organisation to review Jenna's case, as well as open the competition to transgender women. 

Jenna, who carries a Canadian passport, driver's license and birth certificate that all identify her as a woman, appeared on Tuesday with Los Angeles-based attorney Gloria Allred, who is famous for representing clients including a string of Tiger Woods' ex-lovers and Nicole Brown Simpson's family during the O.J. Simpson trial, demanding to be allowed back into the contest. 

 "I am a woman. I was devastated and I felt that excluding me for the reason that they gave was unjust," Jenna said in a statement she read to reporters. She and Allred also called for the Miss Universe organisation to abolish its rule requiring contestants to be ‘naturally born’ females. Allred called it "an antiquated rule grounded in prejudice, fear and stereotypes." 

"It isn't just about her being able to compete," Allred said. "Jenna is standing up for others as well as herself. She doesn't want this type of discrimination to be faced by anyone else." 

But by then, pageant organisers had already reversed course on Jenna’s eligibility at the request of Donald Trump, who is president and owner of the Miss Universe organisation. 

"As long as she meets the standards of legal gender recognition requirements of Canada, which we understand that she does, Jenna Talackova is free to compete in the 2012 Miss Universe Canada pageant," said Michael Cohen, special counsel to Trump. 

In the interview with ABC journalist Barbara Walters she said: “As soon as I was conscious, I just always knew that I was not what they were saying. It wasn’t right. I thought that I was in the wrong body.” 

She revealed to Barbara Walters that though the gender reassignment surgery at the age of 19 and subsequent hormone treatments were intense and painful, it was ultimately 'rewarding'. “I feel like the universe, the Creator, just put me in this position as an advocate, and now it’s like this, and I’ll take that position, if it’s helping anybody else, my story and my actions, then I feel great about it.” 

I think it’s a most surprising way for this issue to get this attention. I don’t really get the beauty pageant thing; I would have expected them to be extinct by now. I guess it’s a pretty girl thing – lost on me – but I have enormous respect for Jenna and for ultimately putting this last big bias on the world radar for us.

Over recent years progressive trannys have lobbied to jump every legal hurdle around identity.  It started with the UK group ‘Press for Change’ when by a narrow majority the historical House of Lords gave their nod to a bill allowing transgender woman with the appropriate evidence to have their birth certificate reissued in their chosen gender. This major legislation has since trickled across the world. 

So this is the point being made, I suspect unintentionally by Jenna, every legal hurdle has been met for a transgender woman to be accepted and respected as such – we just want society to catch up. We live in a very real world and sure it could be a couple of generations for real acceptance - but a big round of applause to Jenna Talackova for putting it out there.

 Well preparations are in full swing for the 34^th annual Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras and I’m feeling the good vibe sitting over us – just mine is one of very mixed emotions! 

When I set off to celebrate on Saturday I’ll be doing it for my 30^th time. It would have just been unimaginable way back in February 1982 to think us, let alone I, would be continuing to tread the golden mile as a community in our annual celebration of pride.

Everyone remembers their first Mardi Gras: I and my girlfriends had recently left Les Girls and had moved our partying from Kings Cross to Oxford Street; we were part of an exciting crowd to whom the Exchange Hotel and Patches nightclub was the centre of our gayness. 

We headed to the Exchange for drinks in preparation for what was the first parade on the now well trodden route of today. Up on the awning the cast of Mixed Company began to appear one at a time, in ten minute intervals, dressed all in white to the hit of the day Billy Idol’s White Wedding. Chris De Bonnafin, Teresa Green and Cindy Pastel, three larger than life theatrical showgirls creating the most wonderful pre parade atmosphere. As the parade began to arrive at the hotel Julie Ashton appeared on the roof and in full spotlight abseiled down the front of the building doing Looking for Trade from Richard O'Brien's (1981) Shock Treatment. The parade just stopped dead in its track – the screaming and cheering deafening – we had arrived to claim our street in celebration. 

 Everyone joined the end of the parade for the walk to the Showgrounds and to the very first party to be held there in the AMP pavilion. We were part of 4000 people, mostly gay men and drag queens, to party our tits off  - as we still do and I will some thirty years later. 

Unexpectedly for me over the last two weeks as this anniversary approached I’ve found my mind taking me through the parties of these past years, remembering the tunes, the wonderful shows, DJ’s, entertainers, the lighting rigs, along with the growth and pain we as a community have experienced. I can connect major life experiences to specific party years – and I’m grateful it’s been there to lend me support, to show me strength and light my life as well as a place to celebrate who I am.

But what I’ve been thinking about the most are the many many friends who I’ve shared these experiences with, sadly many have died, those whose path has taken them out of my life, those for whom partying is redundant, and grateful for those I’ll share 2012 with. I think it’s a time so very special to us all - gay family, acquaintances, beautiful strangers and a community altogether under one mirror-ball. 

I’m thankful I still have such enthusiasm to be part of our celebrations, and just like I have done for the last thirty years I’m planning my outfit, getting excited to see RuPaul and Kylie – excited to see friends – excited to be claiming my piece of dance floor – excited to be feeling the spirit that is ours at this time. Happy Mardi Gras!